I received some news yesterday, and while leaving me feeling a little scared, it was also fantastic to hear. The double edged sword.
Back in 2000, it was an optician who made my GP finally sit up and take notice that, as I'd previously tried telling him, there was something wrong with me. It was thanks to a simple eye test that I began what would become the very long road to an official diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.
Some of you may remember previous blog posts in 2006/2007 when I was particularly unwell. My vision, as well as the acute vertigo/dizziness have been my primary symptoms and they became loads worse thoughout last year.
It has been very frustrating because my symptoms have been impossible to describe. The best description I've ever been able to give is that I feel like a blind woman. Although I *can* see, I can't see. I know, it's confusing and to say it's weird is an understatement.
Then, yesterday, everything became clear. The wonderful optician picked up glaucoma. He also related to my definitions of the symptoms and explained why no other medical professional could. There isn't any description! What's more, only an expert in the field of vision can interpret the signs - and these don't show up on an MRI scan. Suddenly, ignorance from other 'professionals' no longer mattered because I'd found somebody who UNDERSTOOD everything.
I feel so blessed. I am no longer alone in the medical world. Somebody has had their eyes opened to the truth (thank you, God). I am now waiting for the appointment to come through for the hospital ophthamologist. Now is the time when I wish I could afford to go private. The thing that scares me the most is the thought of how long it will take on the NHS. So long as I'm seen in the next 2-3 months it'll be okay.
The worst bit that's only now sinking in is that the MS has already damaged an optic nerve and this is irreversible. I've been referred to the specialists and I'm hopeful that any further damage will be able to be prevented. I guess, the scariest thought is that the MS might in the future continue to damage my optic nerves (optic neuritis), and if this happens... well, I don't want to go there right now.
But, whatever happens in the future, I am thrilled that Gray and I are now embracing the writing life. We both live for our writing, and now prioritise our 'work' over EVERYTHING else (not withstanding serious family emergencies, of course). Watch this space, because in the future we are going to be attending some exciting (to us) writing-related events - I can't wait!