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Saturday, March 01, 2008

Onwards & Upwards

I received some news yesterday, and while leaving me feeling a little scared, it was also fantastic to hear. The double edged sword.

Back in 2000, it was an optician who made my GP finally sit up and take notice that, as I'd previously tried telling him, there was something wrong with me. It was thanks to a simple eye test that I began what would become the very long road to an official diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.

Some of you may remember previous blog posts in 2006/2007 when I was particularly unwell. My vision, as well as the acute vertigo/dizziness have been my primary symptoms and they became loads worse thoughout last year.

It has been very frustrating because my symptoms have been impossible to describe. The best description I've ever been able to give is that I feel like a blind woman. Although I *can* see, I can't see. I know, it's confusing and to say it's weird is an understatement.

Then, yesterday, everything became clear. The wonderful optician picked up glaucoma. He also related to my definitions of the symptoms and explained why no other medical professional could. There isn't any description! What's more, only an expert in the field of vision can interpret the signs - and these don't show up on an MRI scan. Suddenly, ignorance from other 'professionals' no longer mattered because I'd found somebody who UNDERSTOOD everything.

I feel so blessed. I am no longer alone in the medical world. Somebody has had their eyes opened to the truth (thank you, God). I am now waiting for the appointment to come through for the hospital ophthamologist. Now is the time when I wish I could afford to go private. The thing that scares me the most is the thought of how long it will take on the NHS. So long as I'm seen in the next 2-3 months it'll be okay.

The worst bit that's only now sinking in is that the MS has already damaged an optic nerve and this is irreversible. I've been referred to the specialists and I'm hopeful that any further damage will be able to be prevented. I guess, the scariest thought is that the MS might in the future continue to damage my optic nerves (optic neuritis), and if this happens... well, I don't want to go there right now.

But, whatever happens in the future, I am thrilled that Gray and I are now embracing the writing life. We both live for our writing, and now prioritise our 'work' over EVERYTHING else (not withstanding serious family emergencies, of course). Watch this space, because in the future we are going to be attending some exciting (to us) writing-related events - I can't wait!


Sharon J said...

There's always something, isn't there? I hate it when people who are perfectly fit and healthy, financially secure and living decent lives do nothing but complain about their lot when there are people like us who are struggling to manage our lives and yet still get on with things as best we can, trying desperately to look on the bright side, no matter how hard that may be.

When things are bleak for me, reading your posts reminds me that I'm not alone and that we can get through the bad times.

Sharon xx

Cole said...

WOW - I'm so glad you found out what was wrong! I know it doesn't make it all 'better' exactly but its a start.


Jessica Raymond said...

(((Sue))) Although I wish you hadn't received the news you had, I am glad that somebody finally got down to discovering the truth about the problems you've been having. I know how strong you are in the face of your obstacles -- particularly in planning your route over/around them -- and I know that you will come through this. ((()))

Chris said...

i, new to your blog and sorry you are facing this difficult time of a diagnosis.

Thinking of you and know the ups and downs of chronic conditions and restrictions ( or possible) restrictions due to illness.

Take care and perhaps speak again sometime.


Julie Cohen said...

Oh, Sue, I'm glad you found someone who can help you. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your vision.

I haven't been here for some time and I see you have loads of writing successes to celebrate! Congratulations on entering the Instant Seduction contest, and for everything you're achieving every day.

Sue said...

Thanks to everyone for stopping by to leave a comment and for your wonderful understanding and support.

As we speak, I'm actually doing okay, my vision has been affected for quite some time now and I guess I've adjusted. I just need to try not to think ahead but to take one day at a time.

Love to you all,
Sue xx

Melissa Marsh said...

I'm so glad you have your faith to cling to, Sue - it makes all the difference in the world. I'll keep you in my prayers. :-)

Sue said...

Thanks, Melissa - especially for the prayers. :-)